come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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