Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
