Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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