By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
NoShamevember. You game?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
