is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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