LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
