I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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