we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
