I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize