i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
