there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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