I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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