Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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