This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
