So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
