bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
