ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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