dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
