U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
