im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
