I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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