I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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