tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
