i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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