So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
