already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
