i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sober January is a disaster.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
