i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
