No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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