did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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