finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
