When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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