so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
