Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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