I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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