I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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