you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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