A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
