I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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