Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
