So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
