what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
