The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
