im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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