I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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