Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
