lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
