I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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