he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
