How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
