just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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