my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize