Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just found puke in my bra..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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