You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
