the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
