I want to walk on stilts...naked
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
