no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize