there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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