Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
