please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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